LOSS

whats loss means to you? whats your big loss? is it feels like the worst nightmare just happened to you?



mine? its not when i lost my 5 years boyfriend, or any other boys, it's not when i lost all my pictures in my laptop, its not even when i lost my bestfriend because of stupid reason.

my big loss is when i have lost my spirit, my dignity, and my self so i could be with someone.



i almost forgot how it feels for being windy, for laughing so hard til i want to cry, dancing crazily infront of ppl, eager to know about EVERYTHING, and having a HUGE pride. hehe. that's not really show me actually, but yeaa i love to make things a lil bit "bigger". hihi.



oke enough, all i want to share is not actually about me. it's about "how about losing someone you love the most?" it's a family, in particullar. i almost cry when i try to remember what's happened yesterday. my mom entered my room and cried. and told me that news, "icha's daughter has just passed away", she said. and i cant hold on, my tears are fell down rite away.

its really a BIG thing, you know. i cant even imagine what will gonna happens to me if i were her. thats why i always believe that Allah wont give you any problems that you cant handle. and if you feel like you cant handle it, surrender to Allah, Allah will helps you to solve it. HAVE FAITH!! :)

mean awile, lets spreading our positivity to our environment. and SMILE! it will looks good on us. and you know, we'll never know who's gonna falling with our smiles, rite? ;) *bathing eyelashes*


love,


your author

HAPPY LIFE

i imagined how my life would be last month, i expected it would be really sorrow, and i'll be so sad towards to my decision. but voilaaaaa.. i'm here rite now, still alive and happy. hehe.
it sounds really cheesy. i know. but yes, i live my life so happy rite now, i dont want to trade it for anything else. this is simple. perfect. yes, this is simply perfect.

this is all because of these people who currently entered my life. they're really great and nice. i feel so blessed for having them here. i know i cant thank them enough for treating me well.

can i have these people in my life forever? :')





love,


your author

the new year, the new resolution, the same me, but the better version of me!

hey there, 2011..

new year, new resolution, but still the same me here, only this year i'll be getting better. yes, i'll have a better version of me this year! :)

i'm so excited. really. til i dont know where i can share these things with you. hihi..

oke. i sort of like had a new year's eve with him and his family. that's like coincidence. and i dont know why destiny's put us in the situation where everything seems so perfect. but we had nothing anymore. and it's not only happens once. maybe we're not meant to be together. and this is the way to show it all. to me. i was so in love with him. but now i realize that being love isnt enough. it's asking so much more than that to maintain such a relationship. commitment, loyalty, and gratitude. and he doesnt have any of those things. :)

i once asked my self, "why i cant be with the one that i love the most?", and got the answer through my own thought.. "it maybe because i'm belong to someone else". that's it. that's simple.

and now, i'm moving on. i am me. i am windy. and windy is going to wherever it is, as long as it's forward. and now, i left you in 2010. i dont want to get back there. coz it isnt where i belong. i belong here. 2011. and here, i'm so happy. :)

"...until he came along, just like a song, and brighter my day..."i never really know this man so well, but i dont know something's just felt sooooo right. maybe he's just like coming at the perfect time. when i need someone, exactly like him. oh then again, it made me blushed. hihihi.. for some people who knows me so well, they all will agreed that it's uncommon thing. the last time i felt this thing, err it was like 4 years a go. for a man that i've never met til now. and he haunted me for the rest 3 years after. i'm cured now. and now, i guess i'm infected with the same toxic with another man. again. and this time i wont surender. i wont let him down.

i was so stupid and naive back then, i turned the 1st man back then. til now, he kept coming back and forth. on and off. but never really into me anymore. i sucked at being "a girl who loves chasing a man". i'm having a real BIG pride that wont allow me to say sorry for turning him down. but i dont really regret it anyway. hehe. everything are just happened for something good. yes, things are just turned into the right pieces. time will let us know about it. soon.

well, i have to admit that i'm afraid of losing someone again. but how do i know he's going to be the one if i'm not having any guts to try? *bathing eyelashes*

love,

your authour

hold onto Allah, and you dont have to worry about anything.

finally, i made my decision, i dont know if it's right or wrong, all i know i've made this decision for my own sake. there's no point of trying so hard or chasing after something that you dont even really sure of anymore. and that's it. i left.

somehow i can feel it, Allah hold me a lil bit tighter right now. Allah won't let me surrender to this life. even i almost feel like waving my white flag, but then again, Allah rise me up and hold me even tighter, and now i'm all fine! Alhamdulillah.
this is just another shitty days, another unfortunate moments that i will remember, someday. i will laugh at those moments someday at my top position. i will. i know i will.
i am the girl that believe in happy ending. if it's not happy, then it's obviously not the ending. it's just a phase that leads me to the perfect ending.

the fact is, he doesnt know that i've known everything, every single detail that he did there. i knew it. and it's hurting me so bad, but somehow made me strong enough to take this risk. lo let him go. to put some pieces of my broken heart. and left him.

i will have the best time of my life. the best thing is i can be myself again. i dont have to cover the shines of me. i can be shining, glowing, blooming, i can be a better and a better and a LOT better version of my self. i can be whatever or whoever i want my self to be. yes this is my time.
i'm young, i'm free. i can do whatever it is. i can stay up late, or even i dont have to sleep. i still can do some mistake. and still have some rooms left to fix those mistake, and grow. i can find my true friends. falling in love. break ups. travelling all around to the places i love. take some photos. making memories. achieve some goals. have my master degree. master my 3rd and even 4rd foreign languages. simply having my the time of your life.
time flies so fast. i have to be even faster. i have to be prepared. coz i know my life wont stop here. i wasted some times, but i'm not stupid. i still have sooooooo much time to do whatever it is. then again. it doesnt the end. it's obviously NOT.

i believe in fairy tales. i believe in happy endings. i will have my own version of happy ending. i will be happy. the happiest person in the world, in time. until someday, someone will find a way to find me. to love me unconditionally. and making everything worth the wait. and perfect.


wish me luck.



love,

your author

DREAMS

today, i'm asking this question to my self,

"if this isn't really my dreams, can i just went away?"

have you ever wonder, when you walked through a way for soooo long, and all of sudden, you asked your self, "is it the right the way?" , or "is it really what i want to be happened?" and you feel like stuck in one place and how bad you want to move forward, everything is just dragging you back to your previous place, to that place, that comfort zone, the place that you dont want to leave, but in some levels you really want to go, to have everything, have the time of your life, have to go.. just go..

Last night i watched "500", this movie is about a woman who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her. i like this movie so much, this is about the truth, and about moving on.. one quotes that is comes from this movie is :

"People change. Feelings change.

It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true and real.

It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart."

its so sad, yes indeed! but it was strikes me to the core! yes, maybe sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.. they're growing in a different paths, they just simply not suppose to be together.. and all of the memories they had, all of the feeling, it wasnt true and real, it's just mean to be a lesson for them.. a lesson that thought them to be stronger and better..

i wish i could go along the way with you as always in the same path.. i wish someday, i'll sleep and wake up beside you, and will spend the rest of my life with you.. and i wish to have a relationship that based on loving and caring, not based on insecurity and forcing.. i want to have and keep this real..

you sang that song to me, "home by buble" , a song that really reminds me of you, and will always be..

"And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s lifeIt’s like I just stepped outsideWhen everything was going right. And I know just why you could not come along with me'Cause this was not your dreamBut you always believed in me."

maybe yes, sometimes i dont feel like this is my dream.. you are too far away from me, or maybe i do the same way too.. we're too busy catching all of those dreams and achievements, and we simply forget to hold each other back.. isnt it the most important thing in a relationship? to have someone that you can really talk to, someone that could make you feel "home", even when you both are doing nothing at all.. do we still had those things?

i love you, you know i do.. i love you even you've hurting me so many times.. i'm broken down, i'm turning into pieces, but i love you with all of the pieces that stay remain.. i love you with all my heart, my mind, my body and my soul..

you were my bestfriend, my boyfriend, my family, my enemy's enemy, simply my everything back then.. and now, i dont even see any tittle in you for me.. and i'm not happy here.. i'm not feeling anything, i'm numb..

just like cold play said "So I looked in your direction, But you paid me no attention"..

just gently let me go........

your author,

windy

LIFE EXPECTATION

hey, you there..

i want to share about something.. about my work life, err well it's not really about what happens in this company, coz actually there's nothing that really important that made me want to share.. hehe.. but this is just about things we've talked in this office..

one day, my work friend, lets called him "steward", asked me about what kind of house that i want when i'm getting married.. and i am like "WHAT? A HOUSE?" hahaha.. sure this thing never came to my mind before.. and when he asked me this question, my computer was on about "HOLIDAY TO NEW YORK".. HAHHAHA forgive me, but yes im soooooooo into holidays! hehe.. and newyork is one of some places that i want to go before i die.. hihi..

VERSUS

HA!! which one do you gonna choose?? haha.. for me it isnt such a great deal, i'll choose to go to new york right away!! hihihi..

and i've got a thoughts about this topic, about "life expectation".. hmmm maybe it's about the ages.. or maybe it's about maturity?? this steward is 29 years old now, and sure i'm still a lil rookie for him.. but yeah, some people in my ages are already think about these things.. am i still childish and not mature enough? or it's just me who loves travelling around the world, and these kind of things are just simple never came to me before.. or elses, am i being in the wrong place which means all of the people around me are still talking about "how to get boys attention" while the others are thinking about "how to achieve and get the job".. and now, i have to face the other side of the world with the people who's already thinking about "having future with someone else", and about "how to get there"..

but sure, dont call me windy if i am not having a good positive thoughts.. really, i will get there.. we will get there.. and i'm sure it wont be too long for me anymore.. even it's still a lil bit scary now, but deep down, i cant wait to share this life with someone.. with the one who loves me the most and made me falling in love with him everyday! :)

Love,

your author

"will you marry me?"

hey there, i just entered another chapter of my life, yes sure its a new job! :)
well, but today i won’t tell you guys about this new company, since i just got here for 2 days, i can’t say much about it! hehe..
well, what i really want to talk about here is the strong word called "would you marry me?", the word that makes some of us, as a woman believe that once a man say this magic words, our world would turns into "a happily ever after" life.. then again, IS IT TRUE? :)

i tend to believe that it is not as simple as what i just said.. it takes more than those simple words to make your life become happily ever after! :)

i am 23 years old right now, and well i'm suppose to be in the ages that think about getting married, and well so do i! but then again, i don’t want to end up with the wrong person, i won’t settle for less than what i can deserve..

i have a friend that just got married last week, she told me about those things that she just found out rite after she agreed to marry her husband.. she told me about how bad he is and how she actually want to bail off the wedding.. but she can’t do it, because of the family and her pride towards her friends..
hmm.. would you consider to ruin your life only to save your pride? That’s kinda pathetic for me..

my friend told me that i'm kinda idealist, women in my ages are still have their lists and want everything to be done based on it.. hehe.. yea you can call me that too, but sure i won’t be another stupid girl who desperately wants to get married with anyone, without having their own standard.. huhu..

i've got this question, do you want to get married soon with someone that you are not really sure can make you happy, as long as he can purpose to u soon? or you want to wait until you met someone that can make you feel complete, but you have to wait a lil longer? :)

alright ladies, that's your call.. me? i want to find and wait for my perfect man to come my way, and while he's on his way here, i'm gonna achieve so many things in life, so i won’t regret anything later.. :)

be smart ladies, be BOLD! and don’t forget, dont settle for anything less than what you deserve!

love,


your author