VACATION TIME!!!!!!!

hmmm agak bingung mau mulai ceritanya darimana.. hihi..
smua rencana liburan ini berawal dari sekitar 1,5 bulanan yang lalu, dimana aku akhirnya berhasil "memerdekakan" diriku dan semua mimpi serta cita-cita yang ingin ku raih. aku merasa bisa bebas menjadi siapapun yang ku inginkan tanpa khawatir akan menyakiti dan merasa ditolak. namun kali ini mungkin aku agak sedikit "off the guard" hihi.. ga seburuk itu kok, hanya agak kurang mirip windy yang biasanya saja.. hihi..

hmmm windy yang biasanya itu adalah windy yang punya planning jelas, dari A-Z udah beneran dipikirin dan bikin plan B, C, sampai D sebelum mutusin atau mengerjakan sesuatu. namun, entah mengapa kali ini aku lagi super pengen jadi windy yang spontan dan ga mikir ribet. HA! *gaya banget, sumpah* hihi.. and here i am, tiba2 mengiyakan ajakan dari anak teman ayahku untuk ke BANGKA! hihi..




can you see how beauty the picture is?? its a WOW!!! :D

tanpa pikir terlalu panjang, aku langsung bilang "IYA" pas anak ayahku ini nawarin. sumpah tadinya aku pikir aku hanya akan dapat akomodasi, karena memang akan tinggal dirumahnya, *dan plus di antar jemput yaa* namuuuuuuun, malang tak dapat diraih, untung tak dapat ditolak, tiket pesawat dan semua oleh2 pun akhirnya ditanggung! huahahaha.. *BIG GRIN*

agak bingung untuk mulai darimana, tapi aku akan mulai cerita soal liburan ini dari awal.. awal pertama kali meng-iyakan ajakan (sebut saja nama mas ini : Randy), aku sudah agak merasa aneh, karena dya blg ga usah pikirin tiketnya, pasti dapet, waktunya aja terserah, intinya sih aku nyampe aja di airport, 10 menit lagi pesawat mau berangkat juga bisa dapet tiketnya kok.. aku kira awalnya itu becandaan, yaah sampai akhirnya aku benar-benar ngalamin, hihi.. nyampe airport dengan tanpa bekal tiket dan tanpa tau mau naik pesawat apa.. lalu harus ketemu dengan protokol pemprov yang aku ga pernah liat.. but VOILAAAAA.. i've got the ticket and it's really easy, i dont have to queue! HAHAHA!! *that's my 1st smile*, okee i dont want to mention what kind of facilities that i've got during my time in the terminal.. ohiya, aku lupa bilang, ayah randy ini adalah salah satu dari orang yang punya jabatan tertinggi di Bangka, dan tentu saja itu mudah sekali untuk bisa dapat service cukup baik *bahkan berlebihan* untuk anak-anaknya, dan karena bagian dari *dianggap* keluarga, aku jadi ikutan deh! hihi *dikiiit*

sampai airport Bangka, "Depati Amir", bahkan sebelum pesawatku landing, aku sudah bisa melihat foto ayah randy sangat besar dan terpampang disana. kemudian aku mulai membatin, siapakah kira-kira ayahnya, i mean i knew him and who's he for this city, but sure i dont know how infected the tittle is. tapi baiklaaah, aku toh tidak terlalu peduli karena yang terpikir hanyalah bagaimana bisa memaksimalkan hari liburan ini sebaik-baiknya! HA!! :P

randy tidak libur, karena ini hari jumat, dan memang hanya aku yang membolos dari kantor.. hehe.. jadi hari ini dia hanya menjemputku, kemudian kembali ke kantor dan kemudian ijin pulang cepat untuk makan malam dengan ku.. hihi..
malam ini kita makan malam ditempat yang sangat romantis, namanya pasir padi..

jadi restaurant ini bentuknya kaya kapal gt, jd kita duduk di dalamnya, jadi bisa berasa kaya lagi berlayar, sayangnya airnya lagi surut, jadi kurang seru ga bisa kaya lagi di laut! dan sayangnya *lagi* kita makan malam, jadi foto-fotonya kurang heboh! hihi..

besok paginya aku bangun pagi sekali jam 5, HA! *memang ya bisa segitu semangatnya bangun kalau lagi libu* hihi.. hari ini kita akan jalan-jalan dan foto-foto di pantai YANG BANYAK!!! hihiyyyy! horeeeee!

sebenernya mau bangettt deh post foto lebih banyak dan bahkan mau ngasih beberapa foto asli yang diambil dari sana, cuma ternyata post foto itu agak sulit dan ribet dan yaaah karena terbatasnya waktu, mungkin aku ga bisa pajang banyak2.. maafkan! hihi..

anyway, i had like the best vacation of my own version ever! *since this is the 1st time* hihi..
tadinya sumpah pingin banget deh ngerasain liburan ala back packer gitu *biar keren* hahaha.. back packer disini maksudnya liburan yang murah meriah, trus nyari hotel yang biasa aja, naik angkot, bawa baju secukupnya, and so on yaa.. pokoknya liburan pas-pas tp asik! namun apa daya *lagi* i'm just simply too lucky, atau memang menurut Allah belum saatnya nih aku ngerasain liburan jenis begitu yah? :)
tapi apapun itu aku sangat bersyukur, liburan kali ini juga beda.. yahhhhh bedanya sih 180 derajat yaa dari liburan ala back packer di pikiranku.. kali ini liburanku lebih mirip kaya liburan ala istri pejabat yang dijamu dimana-mana.. hehe..
it's feels weird actually, since maybe i'm not there *yet* yah? but well, like i said before, it's the best!! :):):)
i couldn't thank Randy enough for being my personal tour guide! but hey, i made this blog for him, that's kind of my appreciation, isn't it? hihi..

anyway, see you on my 'another' vacation, reader!

love,

your author

convince the heart of mine

hey, it's been a month since the day i took a very brave decision to leave him. a lot of things has changed. i am changed also. i am glad that even i dont know how much i change, but i'm pretty sure i'm a lot better now.



and since there's a new guy suddenly entered my life for the past some weeks, even somehow i can tell i'm not gonna end up with this one, but he's like a perfect crush for me! hihi.. my friend once told me that i look alike a high school teenager who's conditionally has a crush on someone. hoho. it's actually looks even crazier, just so you know. i'm barely even know my self. but screw it, life's all about choices rite? and now i'm choosing being a lover.hehe.

i almost forgot how to cry because i'm so happy rite now. so happy with my life, and i cant trade for anything, yeah.. i cant complain about anything rite now. and him, the new guy, making everything looks even more perfecto. hihiy.

until last nite, a bestfriend sent me some proof of their conversation, yeah it's her and "you know who" conversation. i stood up. shocked. and touched. but i have to admit, this is what i've already predicted before. i know sooner or later, he'll realize that i'm the best and he treated me wrongly back then. some parts of me want to call him and let him know that i'll always love him. and make him sure that we're doing good back then, but we're just simply dont meant to be together. and for that, nobody's wrong. but some parts of me, which is like the bigger one, feels that i dont have any obligation to do anything with that. i'm moving on already. and i dont want to look back anymore. for whatever the reason is.

i have to convince my heart. settle it down. and be in present. and to you dearest one, you know i wish all the best thing in life. i wish you all the love and happiness in the world. and please please please dont ruin this one. coz i know this time will be different. take care there. i know you wont read this. but somehow i know u knew all of these things. sorry i cant give you any last words. it's too painful for me to admit that it's not fair for me. but i've to be grown up. i've to move on. i am a BIG girl. and BIG girl isnt suppose to whine and complain. hehe. which is i am not.

love,

your author

LOSS

whats loss means to you? whats your big loss? is it feels like the worst nightmare just happened to you?



mine? its not when i lost my 5 years boyfriend, or any other boys, it's not when i lost all my pictures in my laptop, its not even when i lost my bestfriend because of stupid reason.

my big loss is when i have lost my spirit, my dignity, and my self so i could be with someone.



i almost forgot how it feels for being windy, for laughing so hard til i want to cry, dancing crazily infront of ppl, eager to know about EVERYTHING, and having a HUGE pride. hehe. that's not really show me actually, but yeaa i love to make things a lil bit "bigger". hihi.



oke enough, all i want to share is not actually about me. it's about "how about losing someone you love the most?" it's a family, in particullar. i almost cry when i try to remember what's happened yesterday. my mom entered my room and cried. and told me that news, "icha's daughter has just passed away", she said. and i cant hold on, my tears are fell down rite away.

its really a BIG thing, you know. i cant even imagine what will gonna happens to me if i were her. thats why i always believe that Allah wont give you any problems that you cant handle. and if you feel like you cant handle it, surrender to Allah, Allah will helps you to solve it. HAVE FAITH!! :)

mean awile, lets spreading our positivity to our environment. and SMILE! it will looks good on us. and you know, we'll never know who's gonna falling with our smiles, rite? ;) *bathing eyelashes*


love,


your author

HAPPY LIFE

i imagined how my life would be last month, i expected it would be really sorrow, and i'll be so sad towards to my decision. but voilaaaaa.. i'm here rite now, still alive and happy. hehe.
it sounds really cheesy. i know. but yes, i live my life so happy rite now, i dont want to trade it for anything else. this is simple. perfect. yes, this is simply perfect.

this is all because of these people who currently entered my life. they're really great and nice. i feel so blessed for having them here. i know i cant thank them enough for treating me well.

can i have these people in my life forever? :')





love,


your author

the new year, the new resolution, the same me, but the better version of me!

hey there, 2011..

new year, new resolution, but still the same me here, only this year i'll be getting better. yes, i'll have a better version of me this year! :)

i'm so excited. really. til i dont know where i can share these things with you. hihi..

oke. i sort of like had a new year's eve with him and his family. that's like coincidence. and i dont know why destiny's put us in the situation where everything seems so perfect. but we had nothing anymore. and it's not only happens once. maybe we're not meant to be together. and this is the way to show it all. to me. i was so in love with him. but now i realize that being love isnt enough. it's asking so much more than that to maintain such a relationship. commitment, loyalty, and gratitude. and he doesnt have any of those things. :)

i once asked my self, "why i cant be with the one that i love the most?", and got the answer through my own thought.. "it maybe because i'm belong to someone else". that's it. that's simple.

and now, i'm moving on. i am me. i am windy. and windy is going to wherever it is, as long as it's forward. and now, i left you in 2010. i dont want to get back there. coz it isnt where i belong. i belong here. 2011. and here, i'm so happy. :)

"...until he came along, just like a song, and brighter my day..."i never really know this man so well, but i dont know something's just felt sooooo right. maybe he's just like coming at the perfect time. when i need someone, exactly like him. oh then again, it made me blushed. hihihi.. for some people who knows me so well, they all will agreed that it's uncommon thing. the last time i felt this thing, err it was like 4 years a go. for a man that i've never met til now. and he haunted me for the rest 3 years after. i'm cured now. and now, i guess i'm infected with the same toxic with another man. again. and this time i wont surender. i wont let him down.

i was so stupid and naive back then, i turned the 1st man back then. til now, he kept coming back and forth. on and off. but never really into me anymore. i sucked at being "a girl who loves chasing a man". i'm having a real BIG pride that wont allow me to say sorry for turning him down. but i dont really regret it anyway. hehe. everything are just happened for something good. yes, things are just turned into the right pieces. time will let us know about it. soon.

well, i have to admit that i'm afraid of losing someone again. but how do i know he's going to be the one if i'm not having any guts to try? *bathing eyelashes*

love,

your authour

hold onto Allah, and you dont have to worry about anything.

finally, i made my decision, i dont know if it's right or wrong, all i know i've made this decision for my own sake. there's no point of trying so hard or chasing after something that you dont even really sure of anymore. and that's it. i left.

somehow i can feel it, Allah hold me a lil bit tighter right now. Allah won't let me surrender to this life. even i almost feel like waving my white flag, but then again, Allah rise me up and hold me even tighter, and now i'm all fine! Alhamdulillah.
this is just another shitty days, another unfortunate moments that i will remember, someday. i will laugh at those moments someday at my top position. i will. i know i will.
i am the girl that believe in happy ending. if it's not happy, then it's obviously not the ending. it's just a phase that leads me to the perfect ending.

the fact is, he doesnt know that i've known everything, every single detail that he did there. i knew it. and it's hurting me so bad, but somehow made me strong enough to take this risk. lo let him go. to put some pieces of my broken heart. and left him.

i will have the best time of my life. the best thing is i can be myself again. i dont have to cover the shines of me. i can be shining, glowing, blooming, i can be a better and a better and a LOT better version of my self. i can be whatever or whoever i want my self to be. yes this is my time.
i'm young, i'm free. i can do whatever it is. i can stay up late, or even i dont have to sleep. i still can do some mistake. and still have some rooms left to fix those mistake, and grow. i can find my true friends. falling in love. break ups. travelling all around to the places i love. take some photos. making memories. achieve some goals. have my master degree. master my 3rd and even 4rd foreign languages. simply having my the time of your life.
time flies so fast. i have to be even faster. i have to be prepared. coz i know my life wont stop here. i wasted some times, but i'm not stupid. i still have sooooooo much time to do whatever it is. then again. it doesnt the end. it's obviously NOT.

i believe in fairy tales. i believe in happy endings. i will have my own version of happy ending. i will be happy. the happiest person in the world, in time. until someday, someone will find a way to find me. to love me unconditionally. and making everything worth the wait. and perfect.


wish me luck.



love,

your author

DREAMS

today, i'm asking this question to my self,

"if this isn't really my dreams, can i just went away?"

have you ever wonder, when you walked through a way for soooo long, and all of sudden, you asked your self, "is it the right the way?" , or "is it really what i want to be happened?" and you feel like stuck in one place and how bad you want to move forward, everything is just dragging you back to your previous place, to that place, that comfort zone, the place that you dont want to leave, but in some levels you really want to go, to have everything, have the time of your life, have to go.. just go..

Last night i watched "500", this movie is about a woman who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her. i like this movie so much, this is about the truth, and about moving on.. one quotes that is comes from this movie is :

"People change. Feelings change.

It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true and real.

It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart."

its so sad, yes indeed! but it was strikes me to the core! yes, maybe sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.. they're growing in a different paths, they just simply not suppose to be together.. and all of the memories they had, all of the feeling, it wasnt true and real, it's just mean to be a lesson for them.. a lesson that thought them to be stronger and better..

i wish i could go along the way with you as always in the same path.. i wish someday, i'll sleep and wake up beside you, and will spend the rest of my life with you.. and i wish to have a relationship that based on loving and caring, not based on insecurity and forcing.. i want to have and keep this real..

you sang that song to me, "home by buble" , a song that really reminds me of you, and will always be..

"And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s lifeIt’s like I just stepped outsideWhen everything was going right. And I know just why you could not come along with me'Cause this was not your dreamBut you always believed in me."

maybe yes, sometimes i dont feel like this is my dream.. you are too far away from me, or maybe i do the same way too.. we're too busy catching all of those dreams and achievements, and we simply forget to hold each other back.. isnt it the most important thing in a relationship? to have someone that you can really talk to, someone that could make you feel "home", even when you both are doing nothing at all.. do we still had those things?

i love you, you know i do.. i love you even you've hurting me so many times.. i'm broken down, i'm turning into pieces, but i love you with all of the pieces that stay remain.. i love you with all my heart, my mind, my body and my soul..

you were my bestfriend, my boyfriend, my family, my enemy's enemy, simply my everything back then.. and now, i dont even see any tittle in you for me.. and i'm not happy here.. i'm not feeling anything, i'm numb..

just like cold play said "So I looked in your direction, But you paid me no attention"..

just gently let me go........

your author,

windy