the "click" is effortless, it's just happens

i was on the phone with someone in my past. we've talked for 3 hours non stop and i still feel so excited about the talking. yes, this someone is the best partner in discussion for me so far. i love talking to him about anything, everything that comes to my mind could be a great topic to talk about. we talked about our jobs, our achievements, friends, those fans, and how we deal about those things after the break up. i'm so glad to know that we're doing just fine during a hard time.

i never thought that we could like talking as two best friends after what happened in the past, giving each other opinions, supports, and laughing together, just like the old times. but yes, that's life. life's full of surprises. one time we can hate each other and wanting to kill one another, but in the other time, we can like being so supportive towards each other. but whatever it is. it's always nice to have someone like this, someone that you knew will understand the point of view of yours. and know exactly what to say even when you think you don't need any comments.

after some hours talking, we've realized that we've got the same problems. we haven't met anyone that could meets our standard. well, i hate to admit this, but we're kinda making one another as a bench mark. and eventhough i know that's so wrong, coz we'll never gonna find someone who has those characteristic, but i can't resist that i'm still looking for it. we know exactly that if we don't try to down grade our standard, we're gonna end up being alone. coz nobody is perfect. not even us.

do we really have to compromising our standard just to be fitted with someone else? or do we have to wait and keep believing that someday, we'll meet someone who's fit with us? how long does we have to wait? and how's it if after some times, we still don't find it and we know that we've wasted our time? does it too late? oh those questions keep on crossing my mind lately. the thing is, those things are not as scary as the thought that we're maybe belong to each other, in someway. well, i was so in love with this guy. but i was also so fucked up at that time. the thought that i might be feel that kind of things again strikes me to the core. and now i'm scared.

being negative is way easier to get out from our problem, right? i could easily blame someone or something and being paranoid my self. but well, that will only make things even worse right? and that's not the way i choose to solve this kind of problem. i have to keep moving on. no matter how scare i am with the future. but we'll never know what the future's gonna bring, and all we can do is keep walking and walking. i believe that everything happen has their own reason. and the reason must be such a good thing for us, someday. we just haven't realized it yet.

do you ever thinking about your problems and asking your self, "does it still have an impact and stressing me out a year from now?" HA! i guess it won't. yes, time always heals everything. so why's so serious? hihihi.. afterall, life's like a box of chocolate. full of surprise. we don't know what taste we get until we tasted it. enjoy the bumps. enjoy the joy. enjoy the ride. :)

oh i always love writing my blog. i don't know since when, but it always succeed to boost up my mood, and sure it helps me solve my own problem, someway.


love,

your author

TORN IN BETWEEN

hello may,

just like the name, it's the month of any possibilities. it's a may(be). hahaha.. it's kinda strange because just like it's name, this month means exactly like that for me.
i have told you about my jobs in this company rite? how i love everything about it. how i feel like really belong here. but suddenly, i've got this opportunity that i've looked for sooo long, my master degree. i can't give up this opportunity either, eventhough it's really hard for me to leave this so called my comfort zone.

i haven't got any results yet, i just got my 2nd test already, and i've got in. but i dont know about the last results. i'm still hoping for the best. i wish i could be one of the best student that got a chance to get in. amiiin! :)

it's actually not the ordinary magister. it's a double degree thingy, where i can get my master degree, and also get a title as a psychologist. it's kinda cool. and i'm dying to be one of them. i can see my self bringing those books, studying, and learning new stuffs. oh it's so cool! hahahahaha..

well, but the fact that i have to resign from this office is kinda strikes me. i have a cold feet. oh help! well, i love my life rite now that i dont have to beg my parents for money anymore. i can buying stuffs, and using my own money. i love that i can stand on my ground, all by my self. BUT! now. i'm dealing with the fact that i dont have any jobs where i can get all of my money, and i have to beg to my parents to get something. it's so pathetic. i'm started to feel so poor.hahhaha

oke enough drama. i just wish that everything's going to be okay. and whatever it is, i mean whatever the results is, i just hope it would be for the best. amin! :)


love,

your author

it's not that bad! :)

last night, i had a good conversation with my friends. they're a guy. at first, it was like only such a casual talking. until, i dont know, it comes from no where, we talked about "how far would a guy gonna use some tricks to attract a woman". i couldnt help but wonder, and i kept on trying to make them tell me all about it. and there, finally! all of those informations were coming through their mouths. and i stop and stare, and i'm so shocked at that time to know it all. i'm not gonna spare all the details, coz it's gonna ruins all the fun, but ladies, you should be smart enough to know who's beside you. and by that i mean, "does he love you that much? or he's just simply want to play one of those games, and get "something" from you". i choked.

and now, i feel like thinking, and dragging my self back to my past for a lil while, "does that man loves me or simply wants "something" from me?" and well, actually i dont have to ask, coz i knew already that he loves me that much, and our love was so pure and so true back then. even we had to be separated and live our lives without having each other company, but one thing for sure, i've never doubt his love for me. never have and never will! :)

i'm glad at least i know, no matter how good or bad my life rite now, even sometimes i met the ups and down, but some lil part of my heart knows that he'll always be there. loving me. yes, eventhough i'm not feeling anything towards him rite now, but this time, i'd like to say thank you very much for loving me so true.

see, i've finally see all of these things in a bigger frame. and i forgave him as a whole. for doing so many things that hurted me. well, i've done so many bad things to him also, and i'm not perfect. not even close. but let me make this straight, i've never meant to do those bad things. i did love him so much back then. and i'm really sorry for causing him a broken heart. i do. hope wherever he is rite now, weather he knew about this or never will, i hope he's doing fine there. i wish him nothing, but happiness in life! and i do hope he could be as happy as i am rite now! :')


love,

windy

this office

hey there, you folks! hehe..

kinda miss me lately? actually well, i posted some blogs lately, but i dont feel like it to post. hehe
but today i feel like telling story about my company. yeahs. hihi..

as you knew already that i love my job so much. i couldn't find the rite words to say it, but i just simply love it. i don't know, is it because of they paid me well, or the environment, or i just simply belong here? well, i'm just simply love being here. and i thank God, after several places i've been trying to look for a place for me, where i could like singing my own songs, with my own company. and speaking about those things, this is the perfect place, where i feel really belong here. and rite now, that's what matters.

after like 6 months working here, i realized that this is what i've been always searching for, a place that always welcome, and the environment that supports without trying to change the way i am. i am in peace. i love my self when i'm surrounded by them, i found my true friends here, and i love them. maybe someday in my youth or childhood, i must have done something good, or i just simply too lucky? and i thank God that i have this life. i really couldn't asking for more. alhamdulillah..


love,


your author

hey, pretender

do you enjoy living like this win? do you love to try to force your self to be as happy as you can, when you are actually not? well, i'm one of those people who doesnt like to make people see my imperfections, i mean like my weakness or simply to see me being weak. but why do i do that? HA! that's the question. hihi..

and the 2nd lies i love to do, is pretending that i'm happy with some people who's trying to get my attention, i mean "the boyfriend candidates". you know my previous blog about "no matter how hard you try, you just simply can't buy coziness" thingy? yes, that's about it. the thing is, the pieces just dont fit, it's not their mistakes, and it's not my mistake either. it's just simply doesn't rite, and i'm too tired to force my self to enjoy this. so i left. again. choosing my own paths. and i dont want to lower my standards at all cost, just to be fixed with someone. no. not anymore.

untiiiiiil. i kinda found out two of them are now having a relationship with someone else. HA! well, i'm not saying that i'm not happy for them, which is yes i am! i wish them all the happiness in the world! :)
to know that yes, i can't give them any chances to be with me, coz yeaaa.. that's so windy, i just simply cant settle for anything less than what i deserve. i'm not saying that they're not good, but they're not for me. i'll give you the "why" from my side ya? hehe
1. bachelor #1 : he's so nice, so easy to be with and so easy to make my laugh. i like to spend hours with this guys sooo much, and enjoy his company. he's so lovable and funny, crazy and stuffs, and his family is pretty close with my family. plus his father is like "something" to this country. BUT! i dont't think he's such a husband material. i mean, just so you know his job is kinda errrr i dont want to say not enough to make a living, but i think he's still counting on his father. and for me, it's not cool at all. so yea, let's be friends! shall we? :)

2. bachelor #2 : he's so smart and manly. he's kinda romantic and silly. and he loves traveling so much. plus he's coming from the best university and majoring the best also. he's kinda husband material. and at 1s, i really want to let him have his chance to be with me. BUT! i dont know why, after some weeks, it turns out really boring, and his personality isnt that good. i mean he's sometimes being too snob and tacky. well, i have to admit that i hate everything about his personality. HAHAHA! and because we're not that close, and i dont even care about anything, since we havent start anything yet, then i retreated. ignore him. and until maybe someday, we can start this thing over, as a friend? :)

i'm not sad at all, i'm really happy for them to finally found someone else. and hopping that someone's gonna be the best for them. well, at the 1st time, i kinda feel like being left out, eventhough i'm the one who's leaving them, but well it's never happened before. i was like, "oh come on, i'm suppose to be the one who's in relationship before them". but hey win, come on, have you ever heard this, "the best is yet to come", hihihi.. then i stop, and stare for a while. considering my self, being as their spouse. oh NO WAY! they're spouse are really suitable with them now. and that's it. that's not me. i deserve someone's a lot better than them. i smile. BIG GRIN. and i know now, Allah just simply loves me too much and having another story. a better one for me.

and you know what, i'm glad that i haven't settle yet, i can't imagine how much times that i have to waste to be with another wrong person! hihi.. then again, they're actually good, really good stuffs. but they're just simply not good enough for me! ;)


love,

your author

a soulmate..

today, i want to be a lover. a sweet one. hhihi.. so i want to write about this, this soulmate's thingy. i've been meaning to write about this since like forever, but yeah, too many things distracted me, so yeah now is the time! :)
i read this sentence yesterday,

"hal paling mengerikan dalam pencarian jodoh adalah ketika kau akhirnya benar-benar menemukannya"

and hours after, i cant stop thinking about it. really? isn't it suppose to be such a great thing when you find it, rite? am i RITE? hmmm well, when i think about it over again. and i make myself picturing that i've already found one, then OMG! yes, it's scary. i mean a good scary yah. it's like "i can find someone that makes me so sure". and feeling so sure about something without seeing any imperfections, or elses i can tolerate the imperfections and really can live with it, somehow it scares me. i'm such a perfectionist person, i tend to find flaws in people. and i dont know how to handle a person without any flaws, or simply accepted him. hihi..
but it's gonna be really great to have that kind of person. actually, i'm not those girl who loves a complicated person. i will try to describe someone who will be my future husband, my deary love, my soulmate.
i want to end up with a person who's simply easy to make me laugh. yes, laughter is a indicator that we are happy. so i want to laugh for the rest of my life with this person.
i want to have someone that i can easily talk to, and by that means he has to be up to everything. coz i love to discuss about everything, from a simple thing to a huge and complicated things.
i'm not that romantic. but having the one who's caring, loving, and affectionate won't kill me rite?hehe.. i love to be hugged, and cuddling all the way we watch movies. and i want to lay down on his chest and knowing that this is the only home for me.
i want to be with a person who can supports me and my activities. and wont feel threaten with my achievements.
i want to be with someone who loves traveling. and i wish he knows more about those maps than me. so i can have my own person tour guide.
but it's nicer to save someone who's waiting for me at home. asking me how i deal with my day that day.
i want to have someone who's always considered the best when we've felt the worst.
i want to love and be loved unconditionally, adoring each other, and..
MOST OF ALL, it's built to last! :')

woohoo.. i can't see this coming. i don't know that this entry will turn into some "i want my future husband to be like this" thingy! huahahaha.. but well, i'm glad i wrote these things though. keep reminding me that this man is the one i was looking for. and i'm not gonna settle for anything less than what i deserve. *BIG GRIN*


love,


your author

how bad the work place could impact your life

today while driving my car on the way to the office, i kinda have some thoughts. and i kept thinking about this issue. i can see so many people around me who's changing once they got the job. hmm anyway, what's job for you? how bad do you want to have a job? does your job is rite for you? and how about the work place? the people around it? does it impact your life? your personal life?

for me a job is just a tool that i use to get my own dreams, the bigger one. and sure to buy things, stand on my own, and sure travelling! hohoho.. and by that, i dont want my job to take place and ruins my personal life. i mean like i hate to work after 5, stay up at nite just to work longer, forgot to eat, and dont have so much time to spend with my dearest people. NO!!! i dont want to trade the moments with them only for a few bucks that i can get from working. i have a life here, a happy life, and the biggest parts is because it's consist of having my dearest people here! :')

lately, i've got some thoughts that my dearest people are kinda busy and somehow they've changed. well, i've experienced it when my closest someone's changed to someone bad, and it's really hurted me that much back then. i know everything has to change, but this someone, this is just simply someone that i love the most, and when he changed into someone that i hate, he's not only hurted my feeling, he's also made me change. a lot.

and i made a question to my self, "how much i've changed from the old windy?". well, actually this work place is kinda change me a lil bit too. but yeahs, somehow i try so hard to be true. i hate being such a goody goody type of worker. i work smartly. not that hard because i'm not looking for any career. but still i want to have a good performance here to increase my ability to be better. but yeahs, i dont know why somehow i dont feel so true lately. it's like if everyone must have something to be good at, then i know what i'm good at, i'm good at PRETENDING. yes, i'm so good at it until i think that i'm one of the best! HAHAHAHA! yea, sometimes after i wrote something that awfully wrong, i always laugh. hehehehe.. well, of course this isn't as bad as it sounds. but well lately, i dont think i'm being my true self. and the worst thing is i'm tired.

how much longer that i can stand being like this?



love,

your author