convince the heart of mine

hey, it's been a month since the day i took a very brave decision to leave him. a lot of things has changed. i am changed also. i am glad that even i dont know how much i change, but i'm pretty sure i'm a lot better now.



and since there's a new guy suddenly entered my life for the past some weeks, even somehow i can tell i'm not gonna end up with this one, but he's like a perfect crush for me! hihi.. my friend once told me that i look alike a high school teenager who's conditionally has a crush on someone. hoho. it's actually looks even crazier, just so you know. i'm barely even know my self. but screw it, life's all about choices rite? and now i'm choosing being a lover.hehe.

i almost forgot how to cry because i'm so happy rite now. so happy with my life, and i cant trade for anything, yeah.. i cant complain about anything rite now. and him, the new guy, making everything looks even more perfecto. hihiy.

until last nite, a bestfriend sent me some proof of their conversation, yeah it's her and "you know who" conversation. i stood up. shocked. and touched. but i have to admit, this is what i've already predicted before. i know sooner or later, he'll realize that i'm the best and he treated me wrongly back then. some parts of me want to call him and let him know that i'll always love him. and make him sure that we're doing good back then, but we're just simply dont meant to be together. and for that, nobody's wrong. but some parts of me, which is like the bigger one, feels that i dont have any obligation to do anything with that. i'm moving on already. and i dont want to look back anymore. for whatever the reason is.

i have to convince my heart. settle it down. and be in present. and to you dearest one, you know i wish all the best thing in life. i wish you all the love and happiness in the world. and please please please dont ruin this one. coz i know this time will be different. take care there. i know you wont read this. but somehow i know u knew all of these things. sorry i cant give you any last words. it's too painful for me to admit that it's not fair for me. but i've to be grown up. i've to move on. i am a BIG girl. and BIG girl isnt suppose to whine and complain. hehe. which is i am not.

love,

your author

LOSS

whats loss means to you? whats your big loss? is it feels like the worst nightmare just happened to you?



mine? its not when i lost my 5 years boyfriend, or any other boys, it's not when i lost all my pictures in my laptop, its not even when i lost my bestfriend because of stupid reason.

my big loss is when i have lost my spirit, my dignity, and my self so i could be with someone.



i almost forgot how it feels for being windy, for laughing so hard til i want to cry, dancing crazily infront of ppl, eager to know about EVERYTHING, and having a HUGE pride. hehe. that's not really show me actually, but yeaa i love to make things a lil bit "bigger". hihi.



oke enough, all i want to share is not actually about me. it's about "how about losing someone you love the most?" it's a family, in particullar. i almost cry when i try to remember what's happened yesterday. my mom entered my room and cried. and told me that news, "icha's daughter has just passed away", she said. and i cant hold on, my tears are fell down rite away.

its really a BIG thing, you know. i cant even imagine what will gonna happens to me if i were her. thats why i always believe that Allah wont give you any problems that you cant handle. and if you feel like you cant handle it, surrender to Allah, Allah will helps you to solve it. HAVE FAITH!! :)

mean awile, lets spreading our positivity to our environment. and SMILE! it will looks good on us. and you know, we'll never know who's gonna falling with our smiles, rite? ;) *bathing eyelashes*


love,


your author

HAPPY LIFE

i imagined how my life would be last month, i expected it would be really sorrow, and i'll be so sad towards to my decision. but voilaaaaa.. i'm here rite now, still alive and happy. hehe.
it sounds really cheesy. i know. but yes, i live my life so happy rite now, i dont want to trade it for anything else. this is simple. perfect. yes, this is simply perfect.

this is all because of these people who currently entered my life. they're really great and nice. i feel so blessed for having them here. i know i cant thank them enough for treating me well.

can i have these people in my life forever? :')





love,


your author

the new year, the new resolution, the same me, but the better version of me!

hey there, 2011..

new year, new resolution, but still the same me here, only this year i'll be getting better. yes, i'll have a better version of me this year! :)

i'm so excited. really. til i dont know where i can share these things with you. hihi..

oke. i sort of like had a new year's eve with him and his family. that's like coincidence. and i dont know why destiny's put us in the situation where everything seems so perfect. but we had nothing anymore. and it's not only happens once. maybe we're not meant to be together. and this is the way to show it all. to me. i was so in love with him. but now i realize that being love isnt enough. it's asking so much more than that to maintain such a relationship. commitment, loyalty, and gratitude. and he doesnt have any of those things. :)

i once asked my self, "why i cant be with the one that i love the most?", and got the answer through my own thought.. "it maybe because i'm belong to someone else". that's it. that's simple.

and now, i'm moving on. i am me. i am windy. and windy is going to wherever it is, as long as it's forward. and now, i left you in 2010. i dont want to get back there. coz it isnt where i belong. i belong here. 2011. and here, i'm so happy. :)

"...until he came along, just like a song, and brighter my day..."i never really know this man so well, but i dont know something's just felt sooooo right. maybe he's just like coming at the perfect time. when i need someone, exactly like him. oh then again, it made me blushed. hihihi.. for some people who knows me so well, they all will agreed that it's uncommon thing. the last time i felt this thing, err it was like 4 years a go. for a man that i've never met til now. and he haunted me for the rest 3 years after. i'm cured now. and now, i guess i'm infected with the same toxic with another man. again. and this time i wont surender. i wont let him down.

i was so stupid and naive back then, i turned the 1st man back then. til now, he kept coming back and forth. on and off. but never really into me anymore. i sucked at being "a girl who loves chasing a man". i'm having a real BIG pride that wont allow me to say sorry for turning him down. but i dont really regret it anyway. hehe. everything are just happened for something good. yes, things are just turned into the right pieces. time will let us know about it. soon.

well, i have to admit that i'm afraid of losing someone again. but how do i know he's going to be the one if i'm not having any guts to try? *bathing eyelashes*

love,

your authour