hold onto Allah, and you dont have to worry about anything.

finally, i made my decision, i dont know if it's right or wrong, all i know i've made this decision for my own sake. there's no point of trying so hard or chasing after something that you dont even really sure of anymore. and that's it. i left.

somehow i can feel it, Allah hold me a lil bit tighter right now. Allah won't let me surrender to this life. even i almost feel like waving my white flag, but then again, Allah rise me up and hold me even tighter, and now i'm all fine! Alhamdulillah.
this is just another shitty days, another unfortunate moments that i will remember, someday. i will laugh at those moments someday at my top position. i will. i know i will.
i am the girl that believe in happy ending. if it's not happy, then it's obviously not the ending. it's just a phase that leads me to the perfect ending.

the fact is, he doesnt know that i've known everything, every single detail that he did there. i knew it. and it's hurting me so bad, but somehow made me strong enough to take this risk. lo let him go. to put some pieces of my broken heart. and left him.

i will have the best time of my life. the best thing is i can be myself again. i dont have to cover the shines of me. i can be shining, glowing, blooming, i can be a better and a better and a LOT better version of my self. i can be whatever or whoever i want my self to be. yes this is my time.
i'm young, i'm free. i can do whatever it is. i can stay up late, or even i dont have to sleep. i still can do some mistake. and still have some rooms left to fix those mistake, and grow. i can find my true friends. falling in love. break ups. travelling all around to the places i love. take some photos. making memories. achieve some goals. have my master degree. master my 3rd and even 4rd foreign languages. simply having my the time of your life.
time flies so fast. i have to be even faster. i have to be prepared. coz i know my life wont stop here. i wasted some times, but i'm not stupid. i still have sooooooo much time to do whatever it is. then again. it doesnt the end. it's obviously NOT.

i believe in fairy tales. i believe in happy endings. i will have my own version of happy ending. i will be happy. the happiest person in the world, in time. until someday, someone will find a way to find me. to love me unconditionally. and making everything worth the wait. and perfect.


wish me luck.



love,

your author

DREAMS

today, i'm asking this question to my self,

"if this isn't really my dreams, can i just went away?"

have you ever wonder, when you walked through a way for soooo long, and all of sudden, you asked your self, "is it the right the way?" , or "is it really what i want to be happened?" and you feel like stuck in one place and how bad you want to move forward, everything is just dragging you back to your previous place, to that place, that comfort zone, the place that you dont want to leave, but in some levels you really want to go, to have everything, have the time of your life, have to go.. just go..

Last night i watched "500", this movie is about a woman who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her. i like this movie so much, this is about the truth, and about moving on.. one quotes that is comes from this movie is :

"People change. Feelings change.

It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true and real.

It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart."

its so sad, yes indeed! but it was strikes me to the core! yes, maybe sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.. they're growing in a different paths, they just simply not suppose to be together.. and all of the memories they had, all of the feeling, it wasnt true and real, it's just mean to be a lesson for them.. a lesson that thought them to be stronger and better..

i wish i could go along the way with you as always in the same path.. i wish someday, i'll sleep and wake up beside you, and will spend the rest of my life with you.. and i wish to have a relationship that based on loving and caring, not based on insecurity and forcing.. i want to have and keep this real..

you sang that song to me, "home by buble" , a song that really reminds me of you, and will always be..

"And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s lifeIt’s like I just stepped outsideWhen everything was going right. And I know just why you could not come along with me'Cause this was not your dreamBut you always believed in me."

maybe yes, sometimes i dont feel like this is my dream.. you are too far away from me, or maybe i do the same way too.. we're too busy catching all of those dreams and achievements, and we simply forget to hold each other back.. isnt it the most important thing in a relationship? to have someone that you can really talk to, someone that could make you feel "home", even when you both are doing nothing at all.. do we still had those things?

i love you, you know i do.. i love you even you've hurting me so many times.. i'm broken down, i'm turning into pieces, but i love you with all of the pieces that stay remain.. i love you with all my heart, my mind, my body and my soul..

you were my bestfriend, my boyfriend, my family, my enemy's enemy, simply my everything back then.. and now, i dont even see any tittle in you for me.. and i'm not happy here.. i'm not feeling anything, i'm numb..

just like cold play said "So I looked in your direction, But you paid me no attention"..

just gently let me go........

your author,

windy

LIFE EXPECTATION

hey, you there..

i want to share about something.. about my work life, err well it's not really about what happens in this company, coz actually there's nothing that really important that made me want to share.. hehe.. but this is just about things we've talked in this office..

one day, my work friend, lets called him "steward", asked me about what kind of house that i want when i'm getting married.. and i am like "WHAT? A HOUSE?" hahaha.. sure this thing never came to my mind before.. and when he asked me this question, my computer was on about "HOLIDAY TO NEW YORK".. HAHHAHA forgive me, but yes im soooooooo into holidays! hehe.. and newyork is one of some places that i want to go before i die.. hihi..

VERSUS

HA!! which one do you gonna choose?? haha.. for me it isnt such a great deal, i'll choose to go to new york right away!! hihihi..

and i've got a thoughts about this topic, about "life expectation".. hmmm maybe it's about the ages.. or maybe it's about maturity?? this steward is 29 years old now, and sure i'm still a lil rookie for him.. but yeah, some people in my ages are already think about these things.. am i still childish and not mature enough? or it's just me who loves travelling around the world, and these kind of things are just simple never came to me before.. or elses, am i being in the wrong place which means all of the people around me are still talking about "how to get boys attention" while the others are thinking about "how to achieve and get the job".. and now, i have to face the other side of the world with the people who's already thinking about "having future with someone else", and about "how to get there"..

but sure, dont call me windy if i am not having a good positive thoughts.. really, i will get there.. we will get there.. and i'm sure it wont be too long for me anymore.. even it's still a lil bit scary now, but deep down, i cant wait to share this life with someone.. with the one who loves me the most and made me falling in love with him everyday! :)

Love,

your author