hey, pretender

do you enjoy living like this win? do you love to try to force your self to be as happy as you can, when you are actually not? well, i'm one of those people who doesnt like to make people see my imperfections, i mean like my weakness or simply to see me being weak. but why do i do that? HA! that's the question. hihi..

and the 2nd lies i love to do, is pretending that i'm happy with some people who's trying to get my attention, i mean "the boyfriend candidates". you know my previous blog about "no matter how hard you try, you just simply can't buy coziness" thingy? yes, that's about it. the thing is, the pieces just dont fit, it's not their mistakes, and it's not my mistake either. it's just simply doesn't rite, and i'm too tired to force my self to enjoy this. so i left. again. choosing my own paths. and i dont want to lower my standards at all cost, just to be fixed with someone. no. not anymore.

untiiiiiil. i kinda found out two of them are now having a relationship with someone else. HA! well, i'm not saying that i'm not happy for them, which is yes i am! i wish them all the happiness in the world! :)
to know that yes, i can't give them any chances to be with me, coz yeaaa.. that's so windy, i just simply cant settle for anything less than what i deserve. i'm not saying that they're not good, but they're not for me. i'll give you the "why" from my side ya? hehe
1. bachelor #1 : he's so nice, so easy to be with and so easy to make my laugh. i like to spend hours with this guys sooo much, and enjoy his company. he's so lovable and funny, crazy and stuffs, and his family is pretty close with my family. plus his father is like "something" to this country. BUT! i dont't think he's such a husband material. i mean, just so you know his job is kinda errrr i dont want to say not enough to make a living, but i think he's still counting on his father. and for me, it's not cool at all. so yea, let's be friends! shall we? :)

2. bachelor #2 : he's so smart and manly. he's kinda romantic and silly. and he loves traveling so much. plus he's coming from the best university and majoring the best also. he's kinda husband material. and at 1s, i really want to let him have his chance to be with me. BUT! i dont know why, after some weeks, it turns out really boring, and his personality isnt that good. i mean he's sometimes being too snob and tacky. well, i have to admit that i hate everything about his personality. HAHAHA! and because we're not that close, and i dont even care about anything, since we havent start anything yet, then i retreated. ignore him. and until maybe someday, we can start this thing over, as a friend? :)

i'm not sad at all, i'm really happy for them to finally found someone else. and hopping that someone's gonna be the best for them. well, at the 1st time, i kinda feel like being left out, eventhough i'm the one who's leaving them, but well it's never happened before. i was like, "oh come on, i'm suppose to be the one who's in relationship before them". but hey win, come on, have you ever heard this, "the best is yet to come", hihihi.. then i stop, and stare for a while. considering my self, being as their spouse. oh NO WAY! they're spouse are really suitable with them now. and that's it. that's not me. i deserve someone's a lot better than them. i smile. BIG GRIN. and i know now, Allah just simply loves me too much and having another story. a better one for me.

and you know what, i'm glad that i haven't settle yet, i can't imagine how much times that i have to waste to be with another wrong person! hihi.. then again, they're actually good, really good stuffs. but they're just simply not good enough for me! ;)


love,

your author